I read a friend's Facebook status the other day and it resonated with me immediately. It was about becoming a mom and things you traded in with your new role. For example
Unlimited peace and quite for giggles and tickle fests.
That new clothes budget to have the best dressed daughter in town
A perfectly picked up home for toy boxes and exersaucers
My coffee table for ample play room
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Mama's Getting Hitched
Ah, my loyal readers I have let you down. It has been about three months since I posted or even wrote a blog. Just as I was starting to get in a grove and posting regularly it all came crumbling down.
There have been a great many things happening in this Mommy's world. Most importantly is this:
Dusty proposed!!!! That's right kids, my man and I are finally getting hitched! It's been 3.5 years and a beautiful baby girl in the making.
At one time it seemed like so many obstacles were standing in our way of finally getting married. We were waiting for my brother to return from Iraq. Finances. Becoming pregnant. Lots of big and time consuming obstacles. But when January rolled around this year and we started talking, we knew 2011 would be our year.
August is a mere 4 months away but it's nothing that isn't possible. It just means the wedding will consume most of my thoughts and free time but I know I can do it.
We do already have a beautiful venue booked. It's a winery downtown that has a rustic feel and has been around for more than 200 years. Hopefully that longevity will rub off on our marriage.
There have been a great many things happening in this Mommy's world. Most importantly is this:
Dusty proposed!!!! That's right kids, my man and I are finally getting hitched! It's been 3.5 years and a beautiful baby girl in the making.
At one time it seemed like so many obstacles were standing in our way of finally getting married. We were waiting for my brother to return from Iraq. Finances. Becoming pregnant. Lots of big and time consuming obstacles. But when January rolled around this year and we started talking, we knew 2011 would be our year.
August is a mere 4 months away but it's nothing that isn't possible. It just means the wedding will consume most of my thoughts and free time but I know I can do it.
We do already have a beautiful venue booked. It's a winery downtown that has a rustic feel and has been around for more than 200 years. Hopefully that longevity will rub off on our marriage.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
"Tiger Mothers" - Not everything they think they are!
I realize I might sound like an immature school girl when I say this but I don't care. HAHAHAHA "Tiger Mothers" You're methods are not perfect and neither are you!
The moment Amy Chua's piece about the superiority of Chinese mothers to Western mothers was published, the backlash started. Women across the country - even the world - started to express the same feeling I did. Outrage!
The 24-hour news cycled picked up the controversy and ran with it. Mothers across the globe commented, defended their parenting choices and chastised Chua's parenting examples.
But he got revenge and I imagine Chua's daughters will do the same. Su wrote a book and called out his own parents and those just like Chua.
The moment Amy Chua's piece about the superiority of Chinese mothers to Western mothers was published, the backlash started. Women across the country - even the world - started to express the same feeling I did. Outrage!
The 24-hour news cycled picked up the controversy and ran with it. Mothers across the globe commented, defended their parenting choices and chastised Chua's parenting examples.
CNN published a follow-up written by Lac Su, a psychologist and business executive at TalentSmart, and also the author of I Love Yous are for White People.
Su gives countless examples of how his parents aggressive and demeaning style did nothing but cause problems in the long run.
"I'm sure I appear successful and happy on the surface. I'm a published author, a successful executive, and I have a Ph.D. in psychology. In spite of this, my parents' approach failed. I'm torn to pieces on the inside."Take that Chua! Imagine how your children are going to talk about you when they're older. In my previous blog post I spouted ad nauseum about how I thought children could be emotionally and mentally stunted because of the negative upraising they endeared. Su is a prime example.
But he got revenge and I imagine Chua's daughters will do the same. Su wrote a book and called out his own parents and those just like Chua.
"I believe that Chua's abusive parenting is motivated by her own unhappiness. How do I know this? My father told me so. He's the man whose tiger-infused parenting produced the catch phrase that became the title of my memoir, I Love Yous Are for White People.Makes me wonder what Chua's children will do in the future. Will they be the great success their mother dreams of? Will they rebel against their rigid upbringing. Will they respect their mother? I guess only time will tell. I certainly hope that I will never have to ponder these same thoughts about my children.
Three years ago, during a family gathering, my father confessed regret about his choice in parenting. I didn't know what to say. The damage had been done. I feel for Chua's daughters and imagine they'll have similar conversations with her one day."
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Chinese Moms vs. Western Moms
Today I read an article about the difference between Chinese mothers and Western mothers. Written by Amy Chua and shared on CNN by Wendy Sachs, this op-ed piece draws a pretty harsh comparison between the two types of mothers. Frankly, I was appalled by some of the points she made.
Sachs painted Western mothers, particularly working mothers, as lazy and lacking the time and discipline necessary to turn out successful children. Chinese mothers, on the other hand are "down in the trenches" every day working hard to churn out flawless children. I feel this passage sums up the piece rather well....
I won't argue that Chinese mothers turn out some of the most talented and intelligent children I've ever met. However, us Western mothers have a pretty good thing going too. Sachs does concede that point breifly at the end of her piece. Our children understand how to handle themselves in a variety of social situations, are incredibly well rounded and are individually successful in what truly interests them. But most of all they seem happy. They find happiness in even the smallest things and to me, that is more important than getting an A on the next spelling test.
Sachs notes that Western mothers are envious of the Chinese mother's methods. I don't believe that is the case. Am I impressed? Sure! They're giving of themselves in such a selfless way and any mother who does that is impressive. I don't, however, envy her methods at accomplishing her task. I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcement. No one yelling at me has ever motivated me to do better. It just makes me angry. I imagine my daughter will be quite the same way.
I know I am a new mother who is still figuring out her parenting style and there will be times when Addilyn will test my limits. But I will always give her positive reinforcement, encourage anything positive that interests her and make sure that she is well rounded. I will be the antithesis to the Chinese mother.
Sachs painted Western mothers, particularly working mothers, as lazy and lacking the time and discipline necessary to turn out successful children. Chinese mothers, on the other hand are "down in the trenches" every day working hard to churn out flawless children. I feel this passage sums up the piece rather well....
"The Western touchy-feely approach runs counter to the Chinese Mom philosophy. Chua (a second generation Chinese American, mother of two and Yale Law School professor) claims that heaping shame and ridicule on her children drives them to success. In her world, insults motivate. Praise only comes with perfection. Weak discipline creates failure.Are you kidding me? I would never call my child garbage! I don't believe there will ever be a time in her life that she could do something so bad to warrant me calling her garbage.
"You are garbage!" Chua once screamed at her daughter Sophia.
For Chinese moms, a less-than-perfect child is a disgrace to the family, a slap-in-the-face to the parents -- utter shame. After all, Chinese moms are in the trenches, toiling for hours to ensure excellence -- anything short becomes almost pathologically personal."
I won't argue that Chinese mothers turn out some of the most talented and intelligent children I've ever met. However, us Western mothers have a pretty good thing going too. Sachs does concede that point breifly at the end of her piece. Our children understand how to handle themselves in a variety of social situations, are incredibly well rounded and are individually successful in what truly interests them. But most of all they seem happy. They find happiness in even the smallest things and to me, that is more important than getting an A on the next spelling test.
Sachs notes that Western mothers are envious of the Chinese mother's methods. I don't believe that is the case. Am I impressed? Sure! They're giving of themselves in such a selfless way and any mother who does that is impressive. I don't, however, envy her methods at accomplishing her task. I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcement. No one yelling at me has ever motivated me to do better. It just makes me angry. I imagine my daughter will be quite the same way.
I know I am a new mother who is still figuring out her parenting style and there will be times when Addilyn will test my limits. But I will always give her positive reinforcement, encourage anything positive that interests her and make sure that she is well rounded. I will be the antithesis to the Chinese mother.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
My Daughter Needs This!!!!
Zulily is offering fantastic deals on this adorable line of glitzy girl's clothes called Little Diva. These one-of-a-kind couture pieces are individually hand-crafted by Teresa Youngblood, a 20-plus-year veteran of the fashion business. The shirt below is perfect for my daughter....
My darling Addilyn is a girl who knows what she wants and will let you know exactly how she is feeling and what she is wanting. I never have to wonder with her. With that comes her, shall we call it, high maintenance attitude. She demands attention and loves it! People say she gets it from me, but I have no idea what they're talking about.
This onsie though, is my favorite of the ones they're selling on discount today....
My darling Addilyn is a girl who knows what she wants and will let you know exactly how she is feeling and what she is wanting. I never have to wonder with her. With that comes her, shall we call it, high maintenance attitude. She demands attention and loves it! People say she gets it from me, but I have no idea what they're talking about.
This onsie though, is my favorite of the ones they're selling on discount today....
This little gem still costs about $30 on sale (50% off) which is a bit too rich for my budget. Addilyn will grow out of it so fast she'll never get the wear out of it for me to justify the expense. Damn, I hate being practical.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
15 steps to prepare for parenting
One of my favorite mom blogs posted this list today. Numbers 1, 3, 10 and 11 are my favorites so far but that's probably because I've only been a parent for five months. I still have SO much to look forward to. God help me.
Thinking of having kids? Do this 15 step program first!
Lesson 1:
Go to the grocery store.
Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
Go home.
Pick up the paper.
Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2:
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…
Methods of discipline.
Lack of patience.
Appallingly low tolerance levels.
Allowing their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3:
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…
Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
Set the alarm for 3AM.
As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
Go to bed at 2:45AM.
Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4:
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…
Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
Then rub them on the clean walls.
Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Lesson 5:
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this – all morning.
Lesson 6:
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Lesson 7:
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.
Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 8:
Get ready to go out.
Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour.
Go out the front door.
Come in again. Go out.
Come back in.
Go out again.
Walk down the front path.
Walk back up it.
Walk down it again.
Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps.
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Lesson 9:
Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.
Lesson 10:
Go to the local grocery store.
Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat.
Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 11:
Hollow out a melon.
Make a small hole in the side.
Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine-month-old baby.
Lesson 12:
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney Channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking, What’s ‘Noggin’? Exactly the point.)
Lesson 13:
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
Lesson 14:
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 15:
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt-sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
Thinking of having kids? Do this 15 step program first!
Lesson 1:
Go to the grocery store.
Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
Go home.
Pick up the paper.
Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2:
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…
Methods of discipline.
Lack of patience.
Appallingly low tolerance levels.
Allowing their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3:
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…
Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
Set the alarm for 3AM.
As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
Go to bed at 2:45AM.
Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4:
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…
Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
Then rub them on the clean walls.
Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Lesson 5:
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this – all morning.
Lesson 6:
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Lesson 7:
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.
Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 8:
Get ready to go out.
Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour.
Go out the front door.
Come in again. Go out.
Come back in.
Go out again.
Walk down the front path.
Walk back up it.
Walk down it again.
Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps.
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Lesson 9:
Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.
Lesson 10:
Go to the local grocery store.
Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat.
Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 11:
Hollow out a melon.
Make a small hole in the side.
Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine-month-old baby.
Lesson 12:
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney Channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking, What’s ‘Noggin’? Exactly the point.)
Lesson 13:
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
Lesson 14:
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 15:
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt-sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
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